The Report 2/1/07

Groundhog Day Eve.  It was a dark and stormy night.  Actually, it wasn't stormy.  But it was dark.

The Admiral played hatless, which -- apart from being a first in the long tradition of Men o Poker -- may have contributed to his dip in the final standings.  JD wore his usual yellow cap.  Spike wore a stylish Minnesotan fishing hap that looked like there should be flies buzzing over it.  TW, of course, wore his Michigan cap.  And PG wore an old, stained Krispy Kreme cap.

PG took notes on each hand played, but they turned out to be illegible the next morning.  Still the chronology of play went something like this:

1) Admiral dealt Spit in the Ocean.  JD started betting heavily.  Someone noticed that JD had more cards than everyone else.  The hand was withdrawn.  A dud hand.
2) JD dealt old baseball.  TW won, thus beginning a streak of terrible proportions.
3 through 7) TW began a round of Texas Hold 'Em, otherwise known as Pineapple for Dummies, in order to teach the group how to play. He schooled us, all right.  TW won five out of five hands.  The game was immediately banished to the netherworld where lie Between the Sheets and Crazy 8s.
8) PG dealt Criss Cross.  The Admiral won.
9) Spike also dealt Criss Cross. He also dealt himself five aces and won the pot.
10) The Admiral dealt new baseball and had to match the pot when he turned up a 3.  He and Spike both had flushes in the end, but Admiral won with king high.
11) Inspired by the last game, JD dealt Best Flush.  PG won when everybody else folded.
12) TW dealt TW rules. Admiral won with a pair of aces.
13) PG dealt five card draw and PG won with a pair of jacks, this being the 13th hand and 13 is his lucky number.
14)  Spike  dealt TW rules and won with two pair.
15) The Admiral dealt new baseball again and had to match the pot again! What follows here in the notes are a bunch of unintelligible scribbles.  Apparently Spike won, but it was close and perhaps contested.
16) JD dealt low ball and PG won with a very low count of 13 (his lucky number).
17) TW dealt Criss Cross and TW won Criss Cross with five of a kind.  Someone noticed that JD had not yet won a hand.
18) PG, attempting to reclaim the good name of Pineapple from the stinging Texas Hold 'Em round at the top of the night, and -- due to the fact that he had lost more money than anyone, dealt Pineapple.  Either TW or Spike won; the notes are unclear.
19) Spike dealt TW rules and won this time.

At this point in the proceedings, it was clear that some of the players were intent upon winning the sexually suggestive baseball cap that the Admiral had contributed to the pot at the outset, a black dripping lubricant cap that would be given to the evening's loser.  PG, while clearly in the "lead" at this point, was starting to be challenged for the hat by the increasingly bad playing of JD.

20) The Admiral tried to start all over, once again dealing Spit in the Ocean.  Lots of people had three kings, but TW won with an ace high besides.
21) JD dealt low ball again.  PG bet heavily, scared everybody off, and won again with 17.  "There goes the hat!" gloated JD.
22) TW dealt new baseball and the Admiral won with five of a kind.

Here's where things start to get fuzzy.  Both Spike and the Admiral were caught trying to manipulate the deck of Champion Spark Plug cards, the Admiral in particular crunching the deck as though trying to mark cards, perhaps to change his luck.  The cards themselves tended to fly toward PG's side of the table and fall on the floor, and JD at one point did an under the table exchange of cards.  Spike started reciting bizarre poetry, mispronouncing cilantro and pondering the difference between herbs and spices.  Whatever hand was dealt next, PG won with five queens, leading JD to pout, "I didn't want the hat THAT bad."   Spike dealt TW rules and PG continued to bet heavily, causing all others to fold.  The Admiral dealt the Anarchy round and, out of sympathy, it was awarded to JD, who had in an earlier round, conceding defeat, had placed the black lubricant baseball cap on top of his yellow cap and went home wearing two hats.

Here end the notes, leaving out discussions of evangelical Christian movies, Mike Mulberry, predators in the public schools, the Super Bowl, the huge indebtedness of the scoundrel Paco, and other topics of continuing interest.