9 mayo 2008: Dual Incantation

come, he pleads
not kneeling, slouching
retirement is hell
he cannot do this alone or any other way
being poor is not hell
being purposeless is hell
the world has forsaken him and vice versa
work, why have you forsaken me?
another grandchild is born
to have everything is to make effort meaningless
another republican no doubt
trivial
he will send a card
desperate for meaning
begrudgingly regardless
unable to volunteer, enslaved by blood
his eyes are closed, waiting, come
by prior commitments
something be praised, he murmurs,
unable to travel
receptive as a willing girl, squints blotting thought
or move
"i would edit my every thought
to places he has already seen
i would not swear i would undo syllables
and would rather remember as they were
i would talk backwards
than be disappointed
i would erase slips of the brain"
praying for imagination
he would control himself, he promises,
of worlds unstung by war
if he could only have those visions
that do not exist
that vision where there is no self
in the world
to control
pretending to welcome the grandchild
just one more time
investing in the dog
he would forsake himself
worshiping what was
if he could only once have that vision
glory days
that vision in which the eyes in his head see
what might have been
not him
learning to love
deliver me, he asks, not knowing
confinement
should he add a please or a thank you
rhyme
thank you, he lets the decision come, he flips a coin
order
thanks be to...
predictability
and then
tongues
it breathes
silibant
a vacation in his brain