he supposes if they had really broken him down, he wouldn't be disposed to announce it. he would just retreat into silence and solitude. even so, it seems to have occurred in some temporary measure. the irs audit that has been ongoing since september has complicated his life beyond repair. he has been shut up. doubt penetrates every crevice. money is the least of it, hardly a concern. but it is impossible for him to feel legal, no matter what he does, no matter how many papers he signs, impossible to feel correct or have confidence or remember a transaction or an odd figure from three years ago in october or august, impossible to do the right thing.
the stultification, the debilitation, the horror
he hesitates to speak for fear of being judged
never trusting himself
they win
"I can't recall if I remember." -- Alberto Gonzalez
Quote from Gertrude Stein
"I write for myself and strangers. No one who knows me can like it. At least they mostly do not like it that everyone is of a kind of men and women and I see it. I love it and I write it.'
"I want readers so strangers must do it. Mostly no one knowing me can like it that I love it that every one is a kind of men and women, that always I am looking and comparing and classifying of them, always I am seeing their repeating. Always more and more I love repeating, it may be irritating to hear from them but always more and more I love it of them."
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