Wednesday, January 03, 2007

he loses

he supposes if they had really broken him down, he wouldn't be disposed to announce it. he would just retreat into silence and solitude. even so, it seems to have occurred in some temporary measure. the irs audit that has been ongoing since september has complicated his life beyond repair. he has been shut up. doubt penetrates every crevice. money is the least of it, hardly a concern. but it is impossible for him to feel legal, no matter what he does, no matter how many papers he signs, impossible to feel correct or have confidence or remember a transaction or an odd figure from three years ago in october or august, impossible to do the right thing.

the stultification, the debilitation, the horror

he hesitates to speak for fear of being judged
never trusting himself

they win

No comments: